Friday, October 12, 2012
There was a thunderstorm here last night. Today, everything in view looks so clean and sparkly. It is as if the rain gave the world a giant shower to rinse away the layer of dust that has been slowly accumulating over the past few months. The temperature is moderate; slight breeze, and comfortable enough that one doesn't need a jacket.
These are the moments in which I fall in love with this city all over again...when I fall victim to rutts and firmly believe that the city no longer has anything more to offer me.
I'm currently sitting at Peet's; alone and musing. I've recently had a discovery and insight in regards to W. and my relationship. I don't think the relationship we have is filled with constant heart accelerations accompanied by butterflies in my stomach doing a chaotic cha cha. It often feels more as if a steady stream gently trickling along; a few rough patches here and there, sprinkled with little moments that take my breath away.
However, there are moments in which I wonder if our relationship is what I am looking for. Is there something missing? Is there something more that I should be seeking? Am I suppose to be content and happy so early on in a relationship? I don't think any books I've read or social media that I'm exposed to, mentioned any of this. Is this NORMAL?
Then from another perspective, I just want to smack my head upside down and inside out. Why couldn't and shouldn't love be simple, and steady? A constant? Just because it doesn't have the advertised tons of passion, sex, drama, and bouts of intense longing doesn't make it any less real. This realization is slightly alarming. How is it that something that should be normal isn't, and the outliers portrayed by the media and the society around us is perceived as the norm?
If I am thinking this way in regards of love, what other aspects of life have I been influenced by society and social media? Work? School? Life? Friendship?
Hmmm, I will definitely need to do some more thinking in regards to these matters. Perhaps this will teach me to think outside of the box and no longer be confined to other people's seemingly definite definitions of what things should be.